Deal Yourself a Winner with the Top Jokes for Card Players

Deal Yourself a Winner with the Top Jokes for Card Players

I’d be lion if I said I was a cheetah

Cards come in all shapes and sizes. Indeed, if you scroll through our site, you’ll find plenty of playing cards, collectables and more. From the casino classics to seasonal creations that really allow you to “deck” the halls, there are cards galore out there. Then, of course, you’ve got card games. There are plenty of in-depth and sometimes complicated offerings such as Masque of the Red Death where players take a while to “get it”. Beyond that, you’ve got the card games that everyone knows and loves, such as poker.

A game played by millions, poker is appealing because it’s a combination of skill, timing, psychology and fortune. When you piece all of these elements together, you’ve got a game where almost anything goes, and any type of personality can mix. With that being the case, one-liners, quips and jokes often go down well at the poker table or, in fact, any card game. Indeed, if you want a rundown of some of the top card-related jokes, you can find them here. Although we won’t run through them all, we have outlined a few lines you can use during your next home game:

  • How does an Inuit make a house of cards? Igloos it! (It glues it)
  • Your best chance to get a Royal Flush in a casino is in the bathroom.
  • Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck!
  • What did the panther say at the poker party? I’d be lion if I said I was a cheetah.

OK, so they might not be award-winning jokes like you’d hear at the famous Edinburgh Fringe Festival. However, if you’re looking to have some fun during a game of cards, they’re a great starting point. Once you’ve got a few cheesy openers to get you going, it’s time to move into the good stuff.

The Best Card Jokes

Of course, much of whether you get a laugh or not will depend on your audience and your delivery. However, if you’re playing cards with a group of friends, it’s a safe bet that you’re all fairly likeminded people. Therefore, if you want to bring something extra to your next game of poker, Masque of the Red Death or whatever your preferences are, try out these card-based jokes:

“What does this joke, and half a deck of cards have in common?
You can’t even deal with it!”

“What playing cards are the best dancers?
The king and queen of clubs.

“My father has had a very difficult week.
Someone stole his favorite playing cards and I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to deal with the loss.”

“It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week, I asked her what she wanted for her birthday present.  ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Just give me something with diamonds.’
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.”

It’s How You Tell ‘em

Now, we can’t give you a list of card jokes and expect you to deliver them perfectly every time. So, before we leave you to regale your tablemates, here are a few tips on how to tell jokes like a pro:

  1. Relax – If you feel uncomfortable, the audience and those around you will as well. When you’re about to tell a joke, do it as if it’s just another casual comment. Doing that will not only keep things relaxed but take your tablemates by surprise.
  2. Be Confident – If you’re not confident in the joke you’re telling, how is anyone else going to believe in it? Even if you’re not sure if the line will get a laugh, deliver it as if it will. In your head, say the joke as if it’s the funniest thing anyone has ever said.
  3. Don’t Push It – The worst thing you can do in comedy is flog a dead horse. If you don’t get a laugh the first time, give up on it. Maybe it’s worth repeating it if people didn’t hear the punchline properly. However, if everyone nods but doesn’t smile, let it go.

Assuming you can use these tips and deliver the right joke at the right time, you should be able to lighten up the atmosphere at your next card game!


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